Preferencing this discussion with a disclaimer would be appropriate: I speak from a place of knowledge that includes my personal experiences as a mother, co-parent, former spouse, step-daughter, daughter, niece, girlfriend, aunt, confidant and everything in between.
Today I see a lot of post where sentiments are shared, wishing Father’s Day to men who matter – patriarchal figures, brothers, brother-in-laws, male cousins, dawgs (in the words of brotherly love among black males), grandfathers, uncles, nephews and the list continues. Everyone has a narrative about how men have showed up in their life, changing them or impacting them in one away or another. However, this isn’t about the fathers today. This post is about the females and mothers who I am challenging to deposit more positive thoughts in the minds of our children who may be distant from their fathers because children aren’t given permission (verbal & nonverbal) to exercise independent thinking particularly in post-divorce and blended family situations.
Conversely, I am further requesting any person who is in a blended family to think outside of what you are used to. Think beyond your past, understanding that you are the product of your mindset. If you choose to be emotionally stuck in your past you will remain there unable to process that you deserve better. Also know that if you decide to actively live with your former self your current situation is more than you deserve and your self value will require an assessment before you enter a new relationship. The message here is that RECEIVING acceptance from whom you are with today is a risk because we each carry scars from our ex’s for our new partner to unpack, tolerate, refurbish and nurture.
What’s the relevancy you ask? Sentiments are ways of expression. How what we say, when we say it and to whom on what day is all correlated. Again – how we say what we say to whom on what day has a lot to do with what we are feeling. Today is one of those days where emotions are driving the narratives we post on Father’s Day. Let’s be mindful that we women can change the narrative about how our men think and how the way they love. We carry the power! Our children will follow our direction in post divorce situations so why not deposit positive narratives in placement of any unhealed takeaways we had with their father?
Men are so different insomuch that most of what they think they know is not accurate at all or most of what they want to know they cannot handle. Their mindset is usually one-directional where when they are challenged with a different way of thinking it is sometimes an uphill battle to defend instead of receive because the ‘head of household’ mindset they’ve adopted overrides the holistic needs of the family and inadvertently results in miscommunication instead of open communication. So there is work to be done between the genders for healthier dialog.
It is when we (women) are able to understand the inner workings of how our man perceives his role in our lives and in the lives of our children we can better communicate ways on how dads / patriarchs can become physically, emotionally and mentally involved in relationships. Therefore, ladies let us channel our strength to build and deposit love about our men (past or present) into our children so they grow mature in their understanding about how to navigate relationships of all kind on their own because there is so much beauty in one’s ability to articulate what they feel and how they feel without judgement. Let us all do our part in the love deposit circle of creating a community of children who can independently love both parents in respective ways.